self-image

Are you familiar of the Greek myth of Narcissus? He was the handsome son of the River God Cephisus. One day Narcissus was walking by a river and decided to get himself a drink. As he looked at his reflection in the water, he was amazed and captivated by his own beauty. Devastated that he would never be able to have the object of his desire (himself), he despairs and pines away at the riverside. Eventually his self-absorption kills him as he dies of thirst and starvation.

It’s a cheery tale!

The meaning is clear, self-love and self-absorption can lead to our own downfall. We’re not designed to be vain and inward-looking.

As Christians we know that “the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). Because we know that God values character more how we physically look, we often tend to our hearts more than to our physical appearance. (Now obviously there’s a vast spectrum depending on church culture, personal upbringing, which country we were born into, our gender etc but…) Generally speaking, as Christians, we know that just as we aren’t to judge others by how they look, and we know that we shouldn’t judge ourselves according to physical appearances either.

But that’s much easier said than done!

Because of the fall, we don’t relate to God, to other people or to ourselves as we were designed to.

For many of us, that results in us taking pride in or despairing in the way that we look, or perhaps we just avoid looking in the mirror altogether.

We have a broken relationship with ourselves, and we struggle not to find our worth in how we outwardly appear.

But not so with babies!

We have three children, and all of them LOVED looking at their reflection as a baby.

Our third child, our only girl, is 9 months old at the moment. Every time she catches a glance at herself in the mirror she absolutely beams. I’ll never forget the first time she ever saw herself in the mirror – her whole face lit up!

Joy. Unbridled joy.

It made me so happy to see.

But then I felt sad too.

Because I contemplated all the times that she might look in the mirror in the future and think that her appearance is too this, or not enough of that. That one day she might compare her beautiful face, designed by God, crafted by him for his glory, to heavily made-up, filtered and edited images of what she thinks she ought to look like, and despair. Like Narcissus, her despair will also come from desiring something that she can’t have. But the difference is, what she will desire is unattainable because it is simply a deception. An illusion. A lie that her value is summed up by the size of her eyes, fullness of her lips and clearness of her complexion.

And even if it’s not an image on Instagram, it may just be the girl next door, who’s taller, slimmer or has “better” eyebrows. Comparison is everywhere. Because people are everywhere.

So, what’s the solution?

Well the gospel is good news for our little girl (and for all of us actually!), because the gospel says, 1) that we were created wonderfully by a God who loves us 2) God still loves and values us despite our sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption 3) God the Son took on a physical body and was marred for our beautification and 4) One day we will live in a world where we won’t ever struggle with body-image issues again. So let’s walk through that.

1. We were created wonderfully by a God who loves us

 Psalm 139 makes it abundantly clear that God crafted each one of us in the womb with care and love.

“For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place.”

How life-affirming is this? If you ever struggle with feeling like you aren’t valuable, it’s time to read these verses again. You are deeply valuable to God, your life was ordained by God, you are precious to him and he carefully created every single bit of you in your mother’s womb. And the same is true of your children. Sometimes we find it easier to believe for our children. Because if your biological children were conceived, moved about and grew inside your womb it’s hard to deny the wonder of that whole experience.

But this is true of all humanity. It’s just as true if you were adopted. It’s just as true if your children are fostered or adopted. This passage is for everyone. Every single one of us are of supreme value to God. We are his precious children, and he is our creator-father. He created us all fearfully and wonderfully.

So, for our little girl – she is extremely special, wonderful and beautiful, because she was created by a God who loves her.

2. God still loves and values us despite our sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption

Why is the story of Narcissus so powerful? Perhaps because it seems so obvious (don’t die pining after something you can’t have! Don’t be so vain and self-absorbed!). Or perhaps because it’s a shocking warning to not be exactly the way we are by nature. We know our love of self is bad, but we’re just hard-wired that way. Think about it, comparison that leads to discontentment (inferiority) or pride (superiority) is simply a problem because we are obsessed with ourselves – and obsessed with how we appear. So sometimes we go the other way, we don’t think, take care of, or even really look at ourselves. But both extremes just indicate that we struggle to relate to ourselves (and like who God made us) correctly. All of these issues are because of the fall.

But amazingly God is sympathetic towards us in our mixed-up attitudes towards ourselves, and he decided to do something about it.

So, for our little girl – even though she will struggle with sin, comparison, pride and self-absorption (because it’s the condition of humanity) God loves her despite that and in the midst of that, and he’s done something so that won’t always have to be her experience.

3. God the Son took on a physical body and was marred for our beautification

Now this is the truly brilliant bit! God – the eternal, transcendent, most beautiful being in existence took pity on us and he became flesh to put all the ugliness of sin and self-absorption  to death. Jesus the Son of God, took on a human body and experience.

It says in Isaiah 5:3 that, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him”, which means that Jesus was plain looking. Not especially handsome or notable.

He took on flesh, and even in the body that he took, he took a humble appearance.

It would have been amazing enough if God had become flesh in the most handsome body of all time, it’s even more remarkable that he took on a humble appearance, but there’s more… he didn’t just do that – Jesus’ physical appearance will be permanently marred into eternity future for our beautification.

Why?

Because Jesus was crucified for all our sin and self-absorption.

He was whipped mercilessly, pierced through the head with a crown of thorns, nailed to a cross through his wrists and ankles and once he had suffocated to death, he had a spear thrust into his side.

He did that to end ugly self-absorption, insecurity, comparison and obsession with ourselves, our appearance and how we appear to others – because he knows that it makes us miserable.

We weren’t designed to live that way. And Jesus decided to put an end to it all at the cross.

After the resurrection, Jesus’ disciples recognised him by the scars on his wrists and stomach. That means that our God will forever be in the form of a human being, but not just that, a marred human being.

So, for our little girl. Jesus can make her beautiful because he endured the cross to rid her of her ugly sin, so that she can be free from comparison, self-absorption and pride.  One day she’ll experience that completely, but she can experience that increasingly in this life too.  

4. One day we will live in a world where we won’t ever struggle with body-image issues again.

Why did Jesus endure so much at the cross? Was it just for our forgiveness in this life? No! It was also to secure our eternal life. If we trust in Jesus, we can enjoy eternal life in perfect relation to God, to others and to ourselves(!) too. Not only that, but we’ll in fact get incredible new creation, immortal bodies. What an amazing hope the gospel gives us to our body insecurities!

So, for our little girl, there will be a day when our baby girl, will not be a baby anymore. But she will still be able to look at herself in the mirror and smile with joy. She won’t dislike how she looks, she won’t compare herself to others, she won’t take sinful pride in her appearance, the thought will not enter her head, “if only”. She’ll delight in who God created her to be – she’ll praise him that he is a majestic, kind, wonderful creator and her heart will be full of adoration to the one who took on flesh and had his flesh marred for her eternal, indelible beautification. No more will she feel insecure. She will be freed up to love God, to love others and to love herself – all in the way that God intended.

If you were encouraged by this post, then you may enjoy this one which is about the gospel and post-partum bodies.

Or you may be encouraged to purchase this cute “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” baby grow for a special baby you know:

It’s the butt of many-a-joke and the heartache of many actual women – the loss of their pre-baby body.

We know that the miracle of growing an actual human being, birthing them into this world and nourishing them with life-sustaining milk is an epic feat!

Women are amazing.

And yet pressure from society, the memory of life before children and well just our own insecurities can make us feel like anything other than the 18-year old version of our body (or more likely, the 18-year old version of every poster-girl’s body) is what is truly beautiful. It’s a body with smooth skin, well-proportioned curves and a flat stomach.

Our body may or may not have been like that before children. But now – well it’s definitely not.

There are the short-term pregnancy changes – the expanding and contracting, the hair thickening and then falling out, the sickly complexion, followed by the “glow”, followed by the puffy, dark-circled eyes. And then there are the long-term changes, which impact us all differently.

I wonder how you felt when you looked in the mirror before children? Did you like what you saw? Perhaps the reflection wasn’t perfect, but there were some assets – perhaps your nose and your waist. Or maybe your curves and your hair. Your body wasn’t perfect, but you’d come to appreciate it. And you knew your husband appreciated it too!

But how did you feel when your tummy expanded? Did you look in the mirror with amazement or horror? How did it feel to look and move like Pooh Bear?

And how does it feel now? What do you see when you look in the mirror now?

The saggy boobs, the new weight and dress size, the stretch marks, the cesarean scars, the greying hair? What do you say to yourself when you peer back at your new body? “Ugly”, “Chubby”, “Saggy”, “Scarry”? “How can he find me attractive now? He’s just being kind but he can’t mean it.”

Actually stop and think about it. What do you say to yourself?

Maybe you avoid the mirror all together, it’s too depressing.

Maybe you are committed to getting your pre-baby body back as much as possible through exercise, diet and push-up bras.

Maybe you like to think positively and you tell yourself – “yes my body’s different but it’s amazing – just look what it achieved!”

Can I suggest another way?

We need to think about a different body.

A body which, like ours (and much more so), went through torturous pain, undignified exposure and blood-streaked exhaustion. Another body which through it’s own suffering birthed the life of others. A body which sacrificed itself for the benefit of it’s posterity.

And yet here’s the difference, unlike our own birthing experiences, this body was wounded and battered and shamed not to give us an earthly birth but an eternal one.

Isaiah 54v4-5:
Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.”

You see, it is through the very wounds of Jesus that we are healed. It it through his sacrificial death in our place that we receive forgiveness and eternal life. It is precisely because of his suffering that we get blessing. In short, his wounds are the means of our salvation.

Those nail-pierced hands and feet and that spear-wounded side were for our salvation. Jesus blood was spilt for us so that we can be in a right relationship with God. Jesus died the death that we should have died, so that we can freely live an eternal life with him.

So then, dear mum with an “imperfect” body: if there’s anyone who know’s what it’s like to sacrifice their body for the sake of another, then it’s Jesus. And he says you were worth it.

You weren’t just worth a few stretch marks and a few extra pounds – you were worth him bearing indelible wound marks in his flesh for eternity.  

You see, Jesus could have resurrected with a “perfect” body. A spotless, blemish free body. But he didn’t. He rose from the dead still bearing the scars from his crucifixion. Why would this be the case?

John 20v24-28:
Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord!’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.’ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you!’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’ Thomas said to him, ‘My Lord and my God!’”

So why would Jesus choose to bear the marks of the crucifixion after his resurrection, and therefore for the rest of eternity? In the text above we see that it’s in part so that the disciples can identify him as their saviour, and in fact as the God of the universe. But also because Christ’s wounds are his glory. His wounds are the means of our salvation and his wounds are his glory.

Charles Spurgeon beautifully puts it this way:

“Christ wears these sears in his body in heaven as his ornaments. The wounds of Christ are his glories, they are his jewels and his precious things. 

Nor are these only the ornaments of Christ: they are his trophies—the trophies of his love. Have you never seen a soldier with a gash across his forehead or in his cheek? Why every soldier will tell you the wound in battle is no disfigurement—it is his honour. “If” said he, “I received a wound when I was retreating, a wound in the back, that were to my disgrace, If I have received a wound in a victory, then it is an honourable thing to be wounded.” Now, Jesus Christ has scars of honour in his flesh and glory in his eyes. He has other trophies. He has divided the spoil with the strong: he has taken the captive away from his tyrant master; he has redeemed for himself a host that no man can number, who are all the trophies of his victories: but these scars, these are the memorials of the fight, and these the trophies, too.”

So dear mum with the stitches, the scars and the stretchmarks, take heart when we see your body in the mirror. Your wounds tell your birthing story and are your honour. As you sacrifice your body for the sake of your children you image your God.

But remember too, that however imperfect your body is, Christ sees you as infinitely valuable and precious – precious enough to die for.

And finally, you can take heart that one day soon, you will stand in the presence of your God and you will actually be perfect. You will stand before him with no blemish or spot, but you will be holy and blameless forever. All because of Christ’s wounds in your place.

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