Right now, I’m really into creating memories with our children. They are 9, 7 and 4 years old, and the memories that they make now have the potential to be remembered into adulthood.
Human beings make memories as a matter of course – but have you ever thought about intentionally cultivating happy and significant memories with your children, so that they have them to draw upon when they are older?
My husband, Scott, is a domiciliary optician and frequently tests the eyes of patients who suffer with dementia. As a result he’s done some training in dementia and Alzheimer’s. Did you know that people with dementia lose their short term memories first, but it is their detailed childhood memories that stick the longest?
Think of the human brain like a bookcase made of memories – on the bottom shelf are the earliest memories and at the top are the most recent. With dementia, imagine that the bookcase is being rocked from side to side; it loses the books on the higher shelves first, the most secure books are at the very bottom, they are the ones that stay on the shelves.
That is the significance of childhood memories.
And you, as your child’s parent, have an exciting opportunity to help them create beautiful and lasting memories. Memories that will outlive you. Memories that will serve them well into adulthood, perhaps even into old age.
But memories don’t just create anchors to the past, but they can also create a collective sense of identity. If you have multiple children – cultivating special times for them to be together and create memories will help them feel a sense of togetherness. We want our three children to know that they have a place to belong. They are the Thomsons – they belong to each other. No matter what life brings their way, their relationships with each other will most likely be the longest and some of the most significant relationships in their lives. We want them to recollect together in the future (and possibly/probably when Scott and I are long gone) of the antics that they got up to when they were young.
Anything that can give our children a deep sense of their identity and of being loved and belonging, will serve them well in the future. Happy childhoods create secure adults, who can be launched into the world to be a blessing to others.
But this isn’t just a post about pop psychology, God knows the significance of making memories; of collective/ group identity and traditions that embed remembering in the life of his people. We see it throughout the Bible.
Think about the Passover in Exodus 12. Pharaoh has repeatedly ignored Moses’ request to let the Israelites go. In one last and terrible plague, God is going to strike down the first born sons of the Egyptians – a severe judgement on them, in part to avenge the Israelites for the mass infanticide of Hebrew boys. To escape the plague, the Israelites must paint their door frames with the blood of a lamb – in this way the plague will pass over their homes.
But if you read Exodus 12 – as well as God giving instructions for what the Israelites are to do during the first Passover – God is remarkably interested in how this event is to be remembered and commemorated in the years to come. In chapter 12 alone, God commands the Israelites to celebrate the Passover, in the future, 5 times. Why? Mainly for the benefit of the Israelite children who did not witness the miracle for themselves…
“Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. 25 When you enter the land that the Lord will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. 26 And when your children ask you, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ 27 then tell them, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to the Lord, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’”
The Bible is full of traditions and celebrations like that – like the festival of shelters whereby the Israelites who inherit the promised land, are to live in wooden tents for a week each year, to remember God’s faithfulness to his people during the forty years in the wilderness. Or in more recent history, Jesus has given us the tradition of communion. As he gave his disciples this new tradition, notice how remembering is embedded into it – it is the very purpose of it.
19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”
Luke 22:19-20
So, God knows that memories are important – we need to remember who he is and what he has done for his people.
Collective identity is important – without knowing who we are and where we’ve come from, it’s hard to imagine where we are going – that was true of the Israelites, and it’s true for us today as God’s church (and our families as mini expressions of his church).
Traditions help us to remember who he is and who we are – and without them we are prone to forgetting.
So what does this practically mean?
We’re going to have a new series all about creating memories with your children. I’ve been helped in my thinking and practices by two books in particular:
Memory-making mom by Jessica Smartt
The life-giving table by Sally Clarkson
In the series I’ll discuss the following traditions that we have started in our home:
Annual Thomson Family Day
Light Party
Shepherd’s Supper
Boys/Girls weekend away
It’s not an exhaustive list of ideas – but hopefully it will encourage you as you prayerfully consider ways that you can create lasting memories with your own children.